My life has been full of roadblocks and disasters that have kept me from my goals. Because of each disaster, I have developed a different take on life and often a few inventions to meet the quip "there has to be a better way". I think many potential perfect system designers have given up because what they had thought up and built satisfies their needs. I am not just looking at my needs (a place that I can raise animals in that will not have problems like power outages or vandalism) but looking at changing how every human will live on this planet in the next century. I see all that pain and disapointment as a gift much like the pain and disapointment a good coach puts the players through to make a winning team. I just attended a special church service my church has every second Friday of each month called Mysterium. The message for this service suggested that grace is like the knowledge to give just the right gift when you give someone a gift. "Grace" is often paired with "truth" which makes sense with that definition. Be carefull what you ask for because God in his grace will give it to you. I asked to have the insatiable desire to do what God in his wisdom thinks I should be doing (for maximum benefit towards his plans). I also ask often to be a powerful tool in his hands. I figure I have been in the forge and being ground down to make a sharp strong sword to fight the right side of the battle. Good weapons are always key items to be stollen in a war. I think all those athiests were weapons stollen from God and converted athiests are God stealing them back. Paul (who wrote half the New Testament books in the Bible) was a powerful weapon against the early Christians before God pulled some miracles and converted him. I have to be careful because the enemy will be out to get me to be an athiest. Daily little miracles and magic coincidences keep me knowing God is by my side but I have to always remember the story of Job who was given a real bad situation to confirm his faith. Again, it is not necessarily the easy road and there may be bomb shells falling trying to get me to turn around but there is the narrow road. Like the peak of Everest, you can get there with a helicopter but no one is going to add you to the list of those who climbed there. The climbers who go the hard route are given an honerable mention but more die in the atempt. The same goes with the spiritual journey, you can not question anything and just be the quiet faithful or you can tackle the hard questions about 42 (meaning of life, the universe and everything). Tackling these hard questions with soft logic will just rip the fabric of your beliefs. I try to deflect the uncomfortable points with a generous padding of "we don't really know for sure" and keep miracles as blinders for distractions from my blind faith. Now that I am well guarded, I can look at these questions without fear of my heart being pierced. I give credit to the grace of God to throw the athiest arguments at me in small doses so I could get managable scratches to my faith and put on better armor before harder blows come my way. God knows how to give good gifts and time them just right if we just ask for the right end result instead of the details along the way. If I win the lottery, what will I learn of faith? I suspect I would learn nothing and the real goals will be clouded. I am about to start making big money working as a contractor instead of a service industry worker. I hope I do not get distracted by the easy money. I will have to trust the grace of God to time success correctly. I experienced just about every possible problem I can expect when I get going so I can be ready and waiting for those challenges when they are thrown my way again.